When do we become experts in what we choose to research extensively? ‘Becoming an expert on your topic,’ is a phrase I have heard many times, and while intended to be complimentary, as a final stage PhD candidate, it elicits the same fear in me now, as it did the first time I heard it. Even with a BA and MA under my academic belt, imposter syndrome reared its ugly head again when I was awarded an advance PhD fellowship to research some of the things I am passionate about; visual culture, working women, secondary economies, and street trading in Dublin.

I was told from an early age that I was good at telling a story. When I tentatively entered academia as a mature student, I admired and appreciated accessible academic literature that also told a story, based on primary sources and interpretation. It excited me, igniting a passion to learn more without feeling inadequate, unlike the dense literature I also consumed, accompanied by an open thesaurus. While I appreciate that both have a place, I relished the academic storytellers, the ones who made me want to turn the next page without having to look up a word or phrase for context. I was appreciative of the writers who made me feel like less of an imposter in my own academic journey and vowed to write in an accessible way, too!

Some of my favourite feedback incorporated that the content submitted for review which was enjoyable, readable, engaging, and memorable. I admire the post-docs, early career researchers, and senior faculty members who are honest about their own insecurities and misgivings. They are the ones who help me continue when feedback is not so positive. It takes a village, and independent research can be isolating. Having a strong collegiate network, and a likeminded hive, are invaluable resources at all stages throughout the academic journey. So, thank you to the honest ones, the ones who have made it feel safe to say, ‘I don’t feel like an expert,’ even after years of research and dedication to a specific topic.

Thanks to the librarians and archivists who patiently listen and help navigate through unchartered waters, and who go the extra mile trying to find that one elusive piece of the research puzzle. Thanks to the school secretaries, and advisors, who assist in navigating the quagmire of academic regulations, and who do not make me feel inferior for having to ask for help. Thanks to the random emailers who know of my research topic and generously send something they think might be useful. I have lost count of the times I have experienced this, for which I am eternally grateful. To all those who make the research, presentation, and publication journey easier, you are acknowledged and appreciated.

If this blog helps even one person become more inclined to ask a question, seek advice, feel like they know nothing, then I am glad to have written it. As a horrendously nervous public speaker, who still chokes every time a paper is presented, I appreciate the compassionate ‘nodders’ in the audience who acknowledge the pain, recognising the shaky voice and legs, yet salute me for trying. Thanks too, for asking questions afterwards, and seeming genuinely interested in the answers. Someday I may feel more of an expert in this topic I have dedicated years of research to, but for now, I will continue to enjoy the opportunity to research, create, and collaborate, remaining grateful for all the assistance and support I have received along the way.

Bio

Dr Susan Curley Meyer recently completed her PhD in Art History at University College Dublin. In 2019 Susan was awarded an advance UCD PhD fellowship under the supervision of Professor Emily Mark-Fitzgerald to complete her PhD research, which examines the Visual and Material Culture of Dublin Street Trading.